i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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