How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
