omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
