His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
