hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize