im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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