Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Verdict: uncircumcised.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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