Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
