so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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