I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
