i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize