Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
