My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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