i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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