Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
