I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
