we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
