For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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