My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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