I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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