He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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