god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
