I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
