She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
