when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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