There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
