my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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