..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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