Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
