Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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