We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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