if i can run in heels then i can drive
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
false alarm. still invincible.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
