In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
