I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
