...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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