I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
