if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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