I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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