he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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