I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
