Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
