K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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