Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
