i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
