I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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