she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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