Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
