My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
