Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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