matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
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And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize