U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
