Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
