or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
