is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
