bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
