mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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