dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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